you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
