the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
