Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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