You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
