I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
