he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
