Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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