the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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