Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
