I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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