On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I met the friendliest cop last night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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