Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
