I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
