Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The air was thick with penises
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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