So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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