woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize