is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
