Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
