I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
