Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
cat food counts as protein by the way
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
