I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
