Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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