why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I skipped work to stalk him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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