my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize