I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
