Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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