Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
