Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
