he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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