Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
