Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
