Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize