Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
