She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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