Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
