Umm I'm too high to move.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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