Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
