i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
