Life is so much better after having sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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