i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
