I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
