Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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