You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
