It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
