so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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