This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
