i may or may not be watching the land before time
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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