Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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