she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
