Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
the raccoons are back...
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