Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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