the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
