were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
