hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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