I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
