good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
