The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
