mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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