Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
