I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
