Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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