Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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