I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
