I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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