where am i from again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize